We are Family

We are family

I hope that you are as guilty as me?  I have an online persona.  What do I mean by this?  Well I tend to only post online things that are positive and put me in a good light.  Take the family for instance, I tend to only post pictures of them looking cute, having adventures or doing something funny.  For those of you who do not see us regularly I could give the impression that all’s well in paradise.  I do not tend to post photos of arguments, moaning, tears and upset.  Forgive me for not being honest.  My kids are amazing.  I love them so much but please may I never give the impression that our family life is one happy moment after another.  There are at times… tensions!

A couple of years ago we went on holiday to Norfolk.  A pretty long drive from Bristol where we were living at the time.  This is a tiny segment of a four-hour journey:

Gracie:  I want the CD on

Mummy: It’s not I want, it’s I would like please

Gracie: I would like the CD on please

(Daddy changes CD)

Anna: I liked that one – put that one back on… 

Gracie: (Whilst driving past Gloucester) Are we there yet?  

Anna: I don’t want to be in the car 

Anna: (The first of 1000 rounds) I want breadstick… I want raisins… I want banana, I want chocolate, I want ice cream 

Gracie: Ooh… I want an ice cream – can we have track 5 now? 

Bethany: Starts to cry 

Daddy – can you put Bethany’s MEME (Dummy) in  

Gracie: I can’t find it  

Daddy: Have you looked 

Gracie: Yes – oh wait it's there on her lap 

Anna: I want my MEME, I want breadstick… I want raisins… I want banana, I want chocolate, I want ice cream 

Gracie: How long to go 

Daddy: 3 hours  (tears gathering in eyes)!

Anna: I want to hold your hand Mummy 

Ez: It’s not I want, it’s I would like please

(Ez gives hand)

Anna: (Bursts into tears and shouting) I want other hand – I want other hand… 

Ez: I can’t reach with other hand make do with that one 

Gracie: I wanted to hold your hand mummy 

Anna: I want breadstick… I want raisins… I want banana, I want chocolate, I want ice cream 

(It all goes wonderfully quiet as we all like track 8 except for…) 

Anna: Don’t want Daddy to sing! 

(A bit of quiet as we pass Cheltenham)  

Anna: I want to take my clothes off  

Mummy: you can’t take your clothes off 

Daddy: (trying to make light of the situation) you want to get naked Anna – yes let’s all get naked!

Gracie: I don’t want to get naked 

Anna:  Get naked Gracie –  

Gracie: No

(For next 10 mins argument about whether Gracie should be naked or not broken by...)

Gracie: Are we nearly there yet?

5 mins of a 4-hour journey!

God bought to my attention recently that when I was in my previous role as a pastor of an established Baptist church my family life and ministry had become quite separate.  This was the first role I had where Ez wasn’t also in post and now she was enjoying being ‘full time’ mum.  Most of my ‘work’ took place visiting or at the wonderful suite of buildings the church owned.  Hospitality happened when the kids were in bed.  It was not often enough my ministry and family life came together.  God had bought this to my attention whilst I get used to my new pioneering role in Dorset called missional listening.  We are very much called to do this as a family.  But when we get invited out to meet people or to share dreams I am anxious because will I be able to be a ‘professional’ minister whilst also being Dad?  Will they fall out and if brutally honest embarrass me?  Will they judge me that I cannot control my kids?  These thoughts came to a head when we were entertaining a good friend from Bristol.  We were all in the car and enjoying an episode like the one experienced going to Norfolk.  I shouted!  Yes, in front of an old church member I shouted, was cross, was annoyed and ran of patience.  I spent weeks feeling awful that this friend had seen me break the Christian perfection bubble I am guilty of sometimes trying to preserve.  Something had to give.

Whilst at New Wine this summer God reminded me not to be embarrassed, not to stop showing my vulnerabilities and that it’s okay to have chaotic children.  Even more so, to minister from there to others who I am sure are feeling and going through similar experiences (unless you are all telling the truth on Facebook) as we are.  That is authentic ministry.  Ministering out of who we are.  The good, the bad and the ugly.

So please my friends, minister out of your weaknesses, bring all you have to the table, because it is in our weakness that God makes us strong.  Let’s create a family, a community and a culture that we can be honest in, vulnerable in and by God’s grace then see healing, love, support and hope as we journey together.

I may not start posting all the difficult moments we encounter on Facebook.  Just last week, I wanted to take a photo of one of my children having a tantrum on a train so that I could write a blog on materialism!  Ez told me I had to comfort her instead!  But you are so very welcome to join us as we minister in the villages of rural Dorset.  You are welcome to join us for a meal, or to just hang out… and do church.  We are not perfect, but we are loved by God and saved by the amazing grace of Jesus Christ.  We would love you to join us as we explore what that means for us and the communities around.  May God bless you and please do not fret about weaknesses but bring them to a community where you will be loved and nurtured and on the wonderful journey to Christ likeness.  We would love to welcome you. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkCv-_L-Aac