Empty hands

It’s a battle for me to give God control of my life. Amazing really when you think of what a mess I made of it before committing to follow him and incredible when you think of the bad decisions or too quick decisions I still make now when I do not involve him. 

I had the privilege of marrying lovely people recently.  I was struck during the service by some of the consistent themes that flowed through the service.  I welcomed people to ‘worship the God from whom all love derives’.  When I was introducing the wedding, I said ‘all who trust their lives to one another are relying on the power of love and faithfulness of God, so we shall ask God to send his blessing on …. and …. that their new life together may be filled with joy, may bring them ever closer to one another, and may make them ever more open to God, whose love gives meaning to theirs’.  I then prayed and included these words ‘and since we know without you nothing is strong, nothing is holy, we pray that as they now make their vows, you will sustain them and surround them’.  I prayed before the giving and receiving of rings ‘by your grace, help them to be faithful to each other in unbroken love’.  I finished the vow part of the service with a traditional blessing ‘May the Lord bless you and keep you, the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you:  The Lord lift his countenance before you, and give you peace.  Amen.’  I went on to preach a sermon on being God chasers!  Chasing after Gods presence so that they can be so filled with His love it will overflow to the families, friends and communities they live and serve.  There was a consistent theme and that was if their marriage was going to be good and unbroken they needed to come humbly to God and not just rely on any human promise or effort. 

At the beginning of the missional listening project I am having a constant battle of control.  You see I have more ideas before breakfast than most people have in a week.  I think I know how to be successful!  I have had two fruitful ministries in the churches I have served, congregations have grown, people have come to faith and both churches have been left loving God and people more than when I started.  I know what to do now surely!  I know what sort of church I want to create, I know how to draw a crowd, I know what to do here in rural Dorset because of the things that have worked elsewhere.   I come with gifts and talents, a bucket load of sermons, leadership techniques, ways to create vision and solutions to problems.    Let’s get on with it!  But, just like a marriage, nothing will be fruitful here because of human endeavour, only if God blesses.  In fact, all the historic success I may have known has come from God despite my best efforts to get in the way!  I truly believe that God is in control, and he will lead us to the people to serve, will show us how to open the bible with them and then create an indigenous church from this, but why do I have so much difficulty humbling myself to living this out?  One of the questions I keep getting asked by Christians is ‘what would success look like to you in 5 years’ and ‘what would failure look like?’ Deep down I am thinking ‘when we have a church in the village of 50 members including 50% converts and loads of children running around, and seeing other villages buying into acoustic84 so we can begin to have congregations in there. And I would love to see Alpha’s running, cell groups that are both intentional and fun, people meeting in 3 and 4’s to do the hard one anothering together’!  That’s what’s deep down, that’s what I have done before, that’s what’s been successful, that’s what I wanted to say.  But instead I simply answer, ‘if I am loving God more and others more in 5 years it would have been a success’!  It would have been an even better statement if I believed it to my very being. 

Too often I come to God with full hands.  I come to listen, to pray, to serve with all the solutions and all the answers.  I wonder how different life would be if we came to Him with empty hands? 

Recently I went to the southern counties Baptist annual meeting where we called the Reverend Colin Norris to the position of Senior regional minister.  When giving a brief response to the calling he said humbly ‘I come with empty hands’.  Now I know Colin a little (he was my predecessor at my previous church) and he has tonnes of gifts, but unlike me, I think Colin believes to his very being, that he comes with empty hands.  He signposted us to the wonderful scene at the end of the gospel of John where the boat was in the right place, the fishermen were in the right place, and Jesus said, ‘have you caught anything’?  The disciples said simply ‘no, or ‘we have empty (nets) hands’!  They needed to state this so that Jesus could then direct them to try the other side to which they did and the result was a wonderful catch.  We as a family know we are in the right place but we come with empty hands waiting for Jesus to direct us and trusting that if we can find the courage to follow Him, our ministry will be fruitful here in rural Dorset.  Now we just need to believe this to our very being.  When people ask us, what can we pray for you I simply say this; ‘please pray that I will follow Jesus’ lead rather than go ahead and then ask for blessing, please pray that I will decrease so He can increase, please pray that Jesus will be Lord of our lives, please pray that we come to this project knowing we are called but with empty hands’.  Do please pray for us!  We need it!  With your prayers and our aspiration perhaps we can truly make Jesus lord of our lives. 

The wrong questions

I have been or training to be a Baptist minister now for the past 13 years.  During this time Sunday has generally been my focus of my working week.  Whether preparing to lead worship, preach a sermon, lead a prayer meeting, preside over communion or just stand on the door, Sunday was the focus.  I did other things of course!  I led evangelistic courses, had the privilege of visiting people pastorally and attended lots (and I mean lots) of meetings but it felt like my whole week was geared towards Sundays.  Though there is nothing wrong with that and there is much blessing being a more traditional pastor of a Baptist church I did want to ask different questions and wanted to achieve other things in my week.  I wanted the focus to change a little. 

We have now moved to Dorset and living in the beautiful village of Charlton Down to begin missional listening.  As we begin this process we want to be a part of an established church for our family to belong too.  So, the strangest journey begins… looking for a church!  Something we have not had to do for years.  And the strangest feeling?  I am not in charge and I do not have a job to do. Weird does not quite cut it!  When we first arrived back in Dorset we went to a church that is important to Ez and I as it is there that Ez became a Christian and I recommitted to our Lord after a decade of living hedonistically.   It was lovely to see people, the worship was wonderful, I even felt the presence of God there, a great preach and the children loved their groups.  What I am about to say has nothing to do with the church but everything to do with me and my asking for years the wrong questions.

I came away from church a little depressed!  I spoke to one of the leaders and shared a little of our plans and he commented that the village we were living in possibly was big enough to cope with a church.  Numbers…  And as I began to judge the comment I became self-aware of my own actions during gathered worship.  During the 2 hours at the church, I asked these questions:

1).  I wonder if I will have as good worship group when we begin a church?

2).  I wonder if the Christians who attend here from our village would attend ours even though we will not have all the established groups etc…?

3).  What techniques can I learn from this church to put into ours that will create a ‘laid back’ feel and an openness to the charismatic?

These are just a couple of the questions I asked!  But they bought up lots of other questions I had asked over the years as a Baptist pastor.  Questions like these:

1).  How do I get the people I am getting to know in the community to come to church?

2).  This person I am visiting pastorally, how do I get them to join us on a Sunday?

3).  The toddler’s groups, senior’s groups, the uniformed organisations, the pre-school parents, those who use the café, how do we transition them to also coming on a Sunday morning?

4).  How can I change our churches structure to be more releasing to mission and more open to change?

5).  What teaching series can I do to make the people who come to church more welcoming and more likely to bring their friends to church? 

I am being harsh on myself but if I scratch deep as I did during worship at that church I think too many of my questions are built around making church successful and if I am deeply honest, how can my ministry be successful?  Forgive me Lord!  And thank you Lord, that even when I have concerned myself with the wrong questions and had very mixed motives you have still used my ministry and our churches to bring life to those who so desperately need it. 

I used the rest of that week to get away to Buckfast Abbey for a four-day retreat.  I have been there every year for the past ten.  However, this was the most wonderful time.  Mainly because I wasn’t planning anything there, or writing anything for Sunday or getting ready for the next season of talks.  I simply prayed, read a little, walked and chased after the presence of God. 

During my time there I repented from my wrong questions and making my ministry about me and the church and not about God.  After a while with the help of a wonderful book by Alan Roxburgh[1] which the Spirit directed me too, I felt God give me the right questions going forward.

1).  What is God up to in our neighbourhood and communities?

2).  What is the nature of an engagement between the biblical imagination and this place that we find ourselves at this time, among these people?

3).  What then will a local church look like when it responds to these questions?[2]

When I look back over my time as pastoral minister of two churches it should be one of joy!  Both have grown considerably, I have had the privilege of baptising loads of people, I have done countless dedications and seen many grow in faith and find freedom.  However, if there is one thing that has been obvious during my ministry it is the lack of joy I have felt.  Probably because I have surrounded myself with the wrong questions and at times the wrong motives.  Trying to be loved, trying to make everybody happy, trying to get churches to grow.  I have been busy (far too busy) asking the wrong questions.

With repentance, and with thanksgiving not only for forgiveness but also for God using me during this time I turn to Him, and ask for help to ask the right questions.  So here in the beginning of this new adventure called missional listening I commit to trying to ask the right questions!

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[1] Alan J. Roxburgh, Missional: Joining God in the neighbourhoods, 2001.  (Baker Books, Grand Rapids, MI).

[2] Pg 44.

What on earth is missional listening?

Missional Listening, well there is a term I had not heard of until early last year and now me and the family are moving to a new house to a village in Dorset to be missional listeners!  What does it all mean?  What will we be doing? 

The Hebrew captives in Babylon ask such an important question for me in their glorious Psalm 127; ‘how do we sing the Lords song in a foreign land’?  Though we do not know the persecution experienced by those slaves or by those suffering around the world today, we do live in a strange land.  A land so different to the one we seek when praying the great prayer ‘your kingdom come’.  How do we tell people about our incredible God?  How do we lead them to Jesus?  How do we share the good news that ‘Christ has died, Christ has risen and Christ shall come again’?  How do we sing the Lords song in a strange land?

Daniel is not a bad person to start with!  The man in whom represents to us all Israel at that time, taken into the belly of the beast, embarking on an assimilation programme led by the most powerful king of his age.  Can Daniel sing the Lords song?  Yes, and to such an extent it leads to the powerful kings naming the God of Daniel as the one true God.  How did he do it?  By missional listening!  By having one ear to Yahweh, discerning his will, seeing what he is doing and joining in, being constantly reminded by the unchanging wondrous story of grace.  And by having his other ear to the world, listening to the culture, the community he lives in and the needs and desires expressed.  Then courageously acting in love to bring God and his world together.  Missional listening?

Our calling to this role has been an ongoing one birthed so many years ago.  A real ‘chairos’ moment happened whilst praying in our current role as ministers of a large Baptist church in December last year.  We were praying with the leadership and asking the question, how do we begin to see those who are 1^st, 2^nd even 3^rd generation non-Christian come to know Jesus?  We have seen lots of growth, but mainly either biological growth, people coming back to faith or joining us from other churches, but how might we see conversion growth?  Whilst I was praying alone I sensed the Lord remind me of 2 passages in the book of Acts.  Firstly, when Paul is having an enforced break in Athens.  He does not waste any time, he listens!  He listens to God, and he listens to that great city.  To such an extent that he sees a statue to an unknown God!  Finally, when the opportunity arises at mars Hill he courageously acts is love and preaches with the aim of bringing God and city together.  Missional listening.  The second passage was Paul in Philippi.  By this stage, Paul would most often go into synagogue and begin preaching the message of Jesus.  But Philippi did not have a synagogue.  So, he listened!  Listened to God and listened to the city of Philippi and he hears of some woman praying by the river.  He goes and acts courageously in love and brings them together.  God challenged me that day and reminded me of why he called me into the ministry.  To listen to him with one ear, and tune the other into the rural communities of Dorset, and then courageously act in love to bring them together.  Missional listening.

We have called the project Acoustic84.  Acoustic to describe that deep duel listening, to God and community, and 84 reflects the wonderful Psalm 84.  In particular, verse 6; ‘when they walk through the valley of weeping, it will become a place of refreshing streams’.  It is our prayer that as we as a family, walk and listen to the rural communities in Dorset and hear the weeping of those who do not yet know their loving father, and as we constantly hear what God is doing and the unchanging incredible message that we might find the courage to act in love and bring them together.  And that weeping may be turned to joy.  Missional listening!

Please pray for us as we make this move, that we will know Gods leading and love and find the courage to join in with what he is already doing.  We as a family all feel called to this, Ben as a Baptist pastor, Ez a Baptist youth pastor, and Gracie (7), Anna (4), Bethany (2) and William (4 weeks)! 

The Move

People seem surprised how calm I am about the move!  We are changing ministries from a large Baptist church in Bristol to missional listening in rural Dorset where there is no church.  Gracie (7) is changing schools, Anna (4) changing preschool and Ez as well as being mother to these two and Bethany (2) is seven months pregnant with a fourth (this time a boy).  We go from the settled position of stipend, manse, pension and expenses to trusting in God for funding.  Remarkably I am calm! Or so I thought!

I was watching England versus Ireland six nations rugby match on my laptop.  The TV had something on from the Disney channel or Nick Jr! During the second half, I had a sudden pain in my side under my left arm.  My arm also felt painful.  Instantly I came over all anxious.  I am having a heart attack!  I look it up on google because that’s what I always do, and yes, every single symptom is a sign that I am having a heart attack.  I have lots of people in my church who are doctors but I can’t ring them, they will just say told you so! (I am very overweight).  I am too proud to ring an ambulance.  My wife thinks I am over reacting! (As usual).  I decide to have a bath!  During that time, I am still sure I am having a heart attack – so I pray - ‘Lord I am far too proud to talk to anybody, and too proud to get an ambulance – so how about some healing?  Or how about some peace that it’s something else less sinister?’ I get a phone call in the bath and it’s a deacon phoning up to apologise for the way she had spoken to me earlier in a meeting (I hadn’t noticed).  I end up telling her about my heart attack!  She laughs and says I have just pulled a muscle in my side and she had experienced the exact same thing.  After a while I realised I had had a full-on panic attack and though on the outside all seemed fine – the worry going on internally was quite immense and the thought of having a heart attack tipped me over the edge.  I experienced this every Saturday until finishing my role.  It was as if preaching on a Sunday was the last straw for my body that was already worried about how children would cope with the move, how we would afford to live and what would my job be?  The deacon phoning was a sign that it would all be O.K. and that God will be with us no matter what.  Providence!

The day before we moved to the new house was the last time at her current school for Gracie.  Ez and the other girls had already gone to Dorset.  I picked Gracie up from school and it was the most emotional place I had been (and I have done my fair share of tragic funerals) and I was introduced to what was my hardest day as a parent.  Gracie’s class were surrounding her in a group hug, and as they pulled away children were crying and the upset was tangible.  As Gracie joined me, one of her friends was crying uncontrollably (I promise I am only exaggerating a little), so I encouraged Gracie to give one more comforting hug.  The hug began as the two of them but then another class group hug broke out!  I usher Gracie on, her last memory of her school a group hug and her friends emotional.  It took to the other side of the field until Gracie broke down with the emotion of it all.  Tears poured, wailing commenced and statements started to be spoken.  Statements as a Dad you don’t want to here on the eve of a sizable move, she said: ‘I don’t want to go’, ‘I am going to miss my friends’, ‘I don’t want to leave my school’ and worst still ‘I don’t want to move, I want to stay here in Bristol’.

We got home and I put her on the phone to Mummy and she got upset and repeated the statements down the phone, only this time to have tears flow the other way.  After an hour or so, I asked Gracie if she would like to have prayer.  She said she would because it hurt here (pointing to her heart).  We prayed.  Not the most child friendly prayer I have ever prayed but one I might pray on a pastoral visit.  I laid hands and prayed and allowed silence and gave space for Gracie to talk to God and God to speak to Gracie.  It was a powerful time, father and daughter praying together.  After we finished I asked Gracie if she felt anything, was anything now different because we had prayed.  She replied ‘I did, I felt God, it was as if my whole heart was knotted and with a whoosh it became unknotted.  I know I am going to miss my friends but now I know God will be with me when we move.  And what’s more Daddy, I now know what you mean when you say God speaks, and we can know His peace’.   Praise God!!!

So, the move…  We are scared and worried.  We do not have all the answers to are deep questions.  We do not have all the I’s and lower case j’s dotted, but we know that God has called us, will walk with us, and give us direction and strength when it is needed, and that is enough for us!   So… we move! 

May you know the God that walks with you, whose presence brings strength, and whom promises to be there through the easy and hard times, the happy and the sad.  Why not ask him right now to remind you that he is with you?  

Job description

 

It is always difficult to describe the role of a pastor.  But I think Eugene Peterson has it pretty spot on in his book ‘Reversed Thunder: The revelation of John and the praying imagination’.  He writes:

‘People who live by faith have a particularly acute sense of living in the middle.  We believe that God is at the beginning of all things, and we believe that God is at the conclusion of all life.  It is routine among us to assume that the beginning was good (and God saw everything that he had made, and behold it was very good).  It is agreed among us that the conclusion will be good (And I saw a new heaven and a new earth).  That would seem to guarantee that everything between the good beginning and the good ending will also be good.  But is doesn’t turn out that way.  Or at least it doesn’t in the way we expect.  That always comes as a surprise.  We expect uninterrupted goodness, and it is interrupted.  I am rejected by a parent, coerced by a government, divorced by a spouse, discriminated against by a society, injured by another’s carelessness.  All of this in a life which at its creation was very good and at its conclusion will be completed according to Gods design.  Between the believed but unremembered beginning and the hoped for but unimaginable ending there are disappointments, contradictions, not to be explained absurdities, bewildering paradoxes – each of them a reversal of expectation. 

The pastor is the person who specialises in accompanying persons of faith in the middle, facing the ugly details, the meaningless routines, the mocking wickedness, and all the time doggedly insisting that this unaccountably and lovely middle is connected to a splendid beginning and glorious ending.’

What a wonderful role and an amazingly privileged task.  May I expand this to us all in our day to day lives?  May I suggest this might be a wonderful evangelistic strategy with whoever we meet?  To remind everyone that the beginning was good – the conclusion is glorious – and here and now we have a God who wants to walk with us and a community of Saints who want to support us as we make our way to glory.  It sounds like the job of pastor is to be good news.  May we all be good news.  Who might you pastor today?  May God bless you as you do so!