I have been or training to be a Baptist minister now for the
past 13 years. During this time Sunday
has generally been my focus of my working week.
Whether preparing to lead worship, preach a sermon, lead a prayer
meeting, preside over communion or just stand on the door, Sunday was the
focus. I did other things of
course! I led evangelistic courses, had
the privilege of visiting people pastorally and attended lots (and I mean lots)
of meetings but it felt like my whole week was geared towards Sundays. Though there is nothing wrong with that and
there is much blessing being a more traditional pastor of a Baptist church I
did want to ask different questions and wanted to achieve other things in my
week. I wanted the focus to change a
little.
We have now moved to Dorset and living in the beautiful
village of Charlton Down to begin missional listening. As we begin this process we want to be a part
of an established church for our family to belong too. So, the strangest journey begins… looking for
a church! Something we have not had to
do for years. And the strangest
feeling? I am not in charge and I do not
have a job to do. Weird does not quite cut it!
When we first arrived back in Dorset we went to a church that is
important to Ez and I as it is there that Ez became a Christian and I
recommitted to our Lord after a decade of living hedonistically. It was lovely to see people, the worship was
wonderful, I even felt the presence of God there, a great preach and the
children loved their groups. What I am
about to say has nothing to do with the church but everything to do with me and
my asking for years the wrong questions.
I came away from church a little depressed! I spoke to one of the leaders and shared a
little of our plans and he commented that the village we were living in
possibly was big enough to cope with a church.
Numbers… And as I began to judge
the comment I became self-aware of my own actions during gathered worship. During the 2 hours at the church, I asked
these questions:
1). I wonder if I
will have as good worship group when we begin a church?
2). I wonder if the
Christians who attend here from our village would attend ours even though we
will not have all the established groups etc…?
3). What techniques
can I learn from this church to put into ours that will create a ‘laid back’
feel and an openness to the charismatic?
These are just a couple of the questions I asked! But they bought up lots of other questions I
had asked over the years as a Baptist pastor.
Questions like these:
1). How do I get the
people I am getting to know in the community to come to church?
2). This person I am
visiting pastorally, how do I get them to join us on a Sunday?
3). The toddler’s
groups, senior’s groups, the uniformed organisations, the pre-school parents,
those who use the café, how do we transition them to also coming on a Sunday
morning?
4). How can I change
our churches structure to be more releasing to mission and more open to change?
5). What teaching
series can I do to make the people who come to church more welcoming and more
likely to bring their friends to church?
I am being harsh on myself but if I scratch deep as I did
during worship at that church I think too many of my questions are built around
making church successful and if I am deeply honest, how can my ministry be
successful? Forgive me Lord! And thank you Lord, that even when I have
concerned myself with the wrong questions and had very mixed motives you have
still used my ministry and our churches to bring life to those who so
desperately need it.
I used the rest of that week to get away to Buckfast Abbey
for a four-day retreat. I have been
there every year for the past ten. However,
this was the most wonderful time. Mainly
because I wasn’t planning anything there, or writing anything for Sunday or
getting ready for the next season of talks.
I simply prayed, read a little, walked and chased after the presence of
God.
During my time there I repented from my wrong questions and
making my ministry about me and the church and not about God. After a while with the help of a wonderful
book by Alan Roxburgh[1]
which the Spirit directed me too, I felt God give me the right questions going
forward.
1). What is God up to
in our neighbourhood and communities?
2). What is the
nature of an engagement between the biblical imagination and this place that we
find ourselves at this time, among these people?
When I look back over my time as pastoral minister of two
churches it should be one of joy! Both
have grown considerably, I have had the privilege of baptising loads of people,
I have done countless dedications and seen many grow in faith and find
freedom. However, if there is one thing
that has been obvious during my ministry it is the lack of joy I have
felt. Probably because I have surrounded
myself with the wrong questions and at times the wrong motives. Trying to be loved, trying to make everybody
happy, trying to get churches to grow. I
have been busy (far too busy) asking the wrong questions.
With repentance, and with thanksgiving not only for
forgiveness but also for God using me during this time I turn to Him, and ask
for help to ask the right questions. So
here in the beginning of this new adventure called missional listening I commit
to trying to ask the right questions!
[1]
Alan J. Roxburgh, Missional: Joining God in the neighbourhoods, 2001. (Baker Books, Grand Rapids, MI).
[2] Pg
44.
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